Celebrate: Graduation

One month ago I was sitting on my front porch overwhelmed by how much had to happen between then and now. Today I sit on my front porch thankful for the grace of God to finish well! This past weekend I graduated from the University of Kansas with a degree in Communication and a minor in Sociology. After transferring schools and changing majors, it really is a miracle that I was able to walk down the hill this weekend.

God has been so faithful to me over these past four years. He has made a way for me in both new and old places. I'm so honored to be a KU alum and excited for the next step of my life. Although I have no idea what's next, I do know that God "works for the good of those who live him" (Romans 8:28). Clinging to the truth that He is for me, loves me and only has my best in mind. I choose to be hopeful for whatever the future holds, even though I've been redirected so many times in the past few months. He's bigger than my current and future circumstances, faithful to my heart, and always good. 

Praise God and rock chalk. 

The Low Road

The low road. In our human nature no one prefers to go this route, but this is often the path we're called to choose most. It is, after all  the path Jesus modeled. I'm beginning to realize that I'm called to a lifetime of choosing the low road, rather than just a season. It's better to assume the last position and be invited forward, then to assume the first position and be rebuked and led to the back. As I begin to transition out of college and make decisions for the next year, I'm convicted, challenged and encouraged to respond well in the midst of so many unknowns.

A good friend of mine recently told me that each new step God has called her and her husband take has been lower, but sweeter. We live in a backwards Kingdom, so oftentimes the lower choices are the best choices. This may seem counter-intuitive and even unproductive. But Jesus came "not to be served, but to serve" (Mark 10:45). I'm so challenged by Jesus' choice to go low. Although He was God, "He did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, but stripped Himself [of all privileges and rightful dignity], so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave)... He abased and humbled Himself [still further] and carried his obedience to the extreme of death, even the death of the cross!" (Philippians 2: 6-9).

This is the epitome of backwards! The Son of God had the absolute right to lord his authority over others and assume the best position. But He didn't. Glory to glory doesn't equal lower to higher. But it does mean that we encounter Him in each new place, even if it's lower or less attractive. This revelation has convicted and rocked me these past few weeks. I'm so stirred to follow Jesus' example and choose to go lower, even when it's hard.

I'm reminded of a scene in the book Hinds Feet on High Places where Much Afraid gets to a dead end on her journey and is led away from the high places, where the Shepherd promised to take her. She cries and doesn't understand. But the Shepherd says "The high places are the starting places for the journey down to the lowest place." Much Afraid claims this contradicts his promise, to which he replies "It's not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible."

The low road doesn't contradict the promises of God. I'm actually believing really big, incredible promises over my life. But I also really believe that Jesus takes me to low places to develop character in me. Without the character development, I'd never be able to sustain or effectively step into the promises of God or callings on my life. The promises are an invitation to trust God more, especially when they don't seem near or possible. As we choose the low road, He makes the best possible.

As I approach graduation in just a few days, I am standing firm on the promises of God, yet willing to  take the low road, and even be redirected, for God to develop character in me and get the glory from my life! He's worthy of all of the glory and I'm so expectant to encounter His sweetness in this next season. The low road is a joy to take then, because it yields intimacy with Jesus! It makes a way for character to be developed in us and for Jesus to get all the glory and honor He deserves.

Obedience is a Win

Although the title of this post may sound simple or obvious, this statement has been a profound revelation to me over the past few months. I've found it's natural to adhere to our own definition of success. Even if we don't admit it, we each have a subconscious idea of what doing a good job looks like. It's hard not to. Oftentimes these definitions of success can surface in the form of expectations. Ahh the E word. How many times have we been advised to release or let go of our own expectations? Too often to count probably. Then how do we truly live without them?

I may not have a solution to this problem, but I did have a revelation that changed my perspective and definition of success. A few months ago I found myself frustrated after almost every conversation, discipleship meeting or lifegroup. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but I knew things weren't going as I had originally planned. Red flag number one: frustration. I knew there was some expectation I had that wasn't being met, but I couldn't figure out how to get passed it. This went on for a few weeks and eventually the frustration turned to disappointment in my heart. Red flag number two: disappointment.

It wasn't until a powerful encounter with God over spring break that I realized my perspective was off. I started thinking about why I was so frustrated and disappointed and it donned on me that no one else around me was feeling the same. None of my co-leaders or friends were feeling this way. So I went before God and asked Him to search my heart. I found that I had expectations for how each conversation, discipleship meeting and lifegroup was supposed to go. And when it didn't go as planned, I felt it wasn't a win; or a failure. Welp, that's red flag number three: sense of failure. Sounds like some of my identity had been wrapped up in the 'success' of the things I was investing my life in. But one word from God dismissed all three red flags. I felt like He said "Tori, obedience itself is a win." This simple word broke me before Jesus as I repented for wrapping my identity into what I planned to be success. I began to unpack the disappointment, frustration and sense of failure and rest in the reality that every time I obey God, it's a win. That's a success! Obeying God is the end goal! Not a certain outcome.

Now when expectations surface, I can confidently go back to the truth that obeying God is a win. I can let go of each expectation that surfaces and choose to be secure in obedience and in the fact that I'm loved and accepted by God even when I don't obey. Rather than trying to simply release the expectation and move on, it's more productive to go to the root of where it actually came from.

Celebrate: The Glory

I've often been puzzled by the passage in the Old Testament in which Moses is forbidden to enter the Promised Land. It seemed surprising and even wrong to me that after all those years of leading the Israelites, Moses wouldn't be allowed to go inside. It was after listening to a sermon and then re-reading the passage the next morning, that I was brought to a convicting revelation. God is after ALL of His glory.

This may sound obvious, but let me explain. God is so jealous for His glory and the credit for the victory He has won, that He reminds His people because He deserves it! Sometimes the reminding means removing.

God speaks to Moses in Numbers chapter 20 and says "speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water" (vs 8). Moses responds, grabs his staff and approaches the people once again. He calls them forward and says "listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” (vs 10). Then Moses struck the rock and the water came. The next few verses reveal God's response to the event: "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them" (vs 12). 

My first thought has always been why? That sounds so harsh. Then as I sat in a living room in Waco, Texas, conviction came. I fell to my knees and started repented for places in my heart that have been after glory or credit. See, when Moses told his audience that he (and Aaron) would bring the water and struck the rock instead of speaking to it, He used his own strength to try to do something only God could. The glory and credit was given to Moses, rather than God. And I think that if Moses were allowed into the Promised Land, the people would have praised him instead of God. So God removed him. I'm sure God was 100% faithful to Moses after that, but He was jealous for ALL of His people's attention, praise and adoration.

There's nothing I could do on earth for the Kingdom of God to earn glory for myself. It has to point back to Jesus. He deserves ALL OF THE GLORY. He is so worthy of all my attention, praise and adoration. Jesus, alone, is worthy.

As I sat on my knees on a Wednesday afternoon over break, I prayed for God to put me in the place that would bring Him to most glory. I want to live in a way that people see Jesus, not me, my accomplishments or even the fruit of my life. And in order to do that, I must continually honor Him. Even if I don't feel it, I have to train myself to worship and honor God. I oftentimes practice physically what I want my heart to do spiritually. That means sometimes I jump up and down in my room or worship like crazy to get my heart to catch up and honor God. Although this may sound or look silly, I can't afford to let my eyes fall from His face. So I try to do whatever I can to stir my heart towards God. I hope to live a life that celebrates the Glory, the God of Israel who is jealous for His people and for me.