Prior to graduation, I couldn't wait to be done with school and move onto something different. Yet when I actually graduated, I felt the weight of transition and confusion as to what my next step would be. I spent the month of June applying for jobs like crazy. I didn't feel very envisioned or prepared. I actually felt pretty defeated and ill-equipped. After having dreams of going to the nations, planting churches and starting movements, the thought of having a full-time job wasn't appealing to me at all. It seemed so lesser than. But praise God He initiated a perspective shift for me. I started envisioning the kind of character God wanted to develop in me through working full-time. Although I never would have chosen what I'm doing now for myself, I sense so many deep things God is doing in me. The character development process isn't exactly exciting when you're in it, but it's powerful. And it's worth it.
So, the answer to the first question is that I'm staying in Lawrence. I'm working a full-time job as an event planner for a non-profit near Kansas City. I make reservations with rental companies, create graphics, respond to e-mails, visit embroidery shops and work with local landscapers. Some days I really enjoy it, and others aren't so exciting, but I know that it's good. And I am so sure God is doing things under the surface, or in the unseen if you will.
2 Corinthians 4:18 says "we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
I have to believe that there's a bigger picture, an eternal one, than just what I see what my natural eye. Although I can't fully answer the question why I'm staying, I've made a choice to stay. I didn't have a big vision or word from God, but I did have several doors open for me and I have encountered God in some of the deepest places in my heart. I'm stepping out of one of the hardest seasons I think I've ever had, but stepping into more favor with God than I've ever thought possible. And now that I've made the choice to stay, I'm starting to see some of the sweet gifts God has given me here. I've gone deeper than I ever have before in relationships with people, learned to work through conflict, been painfully vulnerable with others in order to walk in the freedom I've been given, and become more hungry and desperate for Jesus than I have in a long time.
Yes, there are still dreams in my heart to go new places and start new things, but I know I wouldn't be able to steward some of the things well without my character being developed first. And I'm starting to believe He's maximizing the impact my life could have by reminding me that I'm just one broken vessel, chosen by God to lay my life down for people and for the Kingdom of God.
Transitions do breed questions, but they also breed character development, character that's worth building something on. I want that kind of character.
